There is nothing more untrue in an interaction between partners than those pretty words "I'm fine". We all know that it is a not so subtle way to say I am really upset. Being "fine"is both a way to say, I don't want to talk and please help me. It's no wonder we are all so confused.Picture yourself as a 4 year old that has sucked in a deep breath and puffed out his chest. You are going to hold your breath until... what? What do I mean when my response to her asking what's wrong is to boldly declare "Nothing"?
We want to be understood, comforted, and made to feel worthwhile and safe. At the same time we are almost certain that they don't want to or just will not be there for us. It is the perfect avoidance. We can set up a situation where no one can win. If our partner tries to talk with us we can keep our distance and if they don't try to talk with us we can claim that they didn't care in the first place.